This work from home arrangement that enables us to earn our keep, while at the same time see to the safety of family is getting comfortably familiar. In fact, it has blended into my daily routine quite well.
Like in between online meetings and I need to go to the restroom, I get to check if there is still tissue and pour disinfectant into the bowl as my apo might be the next one so eveything needs to be germ-free and tidy.
I also do not have to worry if my pants do not fit anymore because I can hang loose with pajamas or shorts and just worry about my top-- which, by the way, is not too hard to pick because tshirts are permissible when on Zoom or Microsoft Teams.
This really suits me just fine.
Since today is a Friday, I look forward to more morning cuddle time with my two apos-- my beautiful Zia and my handsome Franco.
It is almost 3 months since my husband rejoined our Maker, but it is hard to really go back to normal, especially so that there are a lot of things in the house that remind us of him. So we pray everyday for him to rest in God's embrace and that we can go on with our lives in the best way we know how.
There are times when I wake up in the middle of the night and feel a little anxious about the future but then again, I give myself a mental kick and say, 'Hey, put Him in charge of your life and things will be just fine."
Friday, June 5, 2020
Tuesday, June 2, 2020
Why 2020?
Today is just the first day of June but it seems like the year 2020 has stretched to decades. As I deal with own personal grief with the loss of my husband last March 20, the world around me continues to reel in pain.
Never has anyone imagined that a virus -- so much so from an otherwise faultless bat -- and a gourmet's delight -- has become the worst nightmare of mankind in the modern age.
But let me recall the past 5 months of what is dubbed as 'the year from hell.'
January 2020
Taal Volcano erupted and the ashfall was carried by winds to as far as Quezon City and some parts of Northern Luzon.
Take a look at this report from the Earth Observatory
In January 2020, the Taal Volcano awoke from 43 years of quiet and spewed lava and ash, filling streets and skies of the Philippine island of Luzon with fine ash fall and volcanic gases. The eruption caused tens of thousands of people to evacuate their homes and forced the closure of several key roads, businesses, and an airport.
The volcano first unleashed a steam-driven explosion (known as a phreatic eruption) on January 12. In the early morning of January 13, eruptive activity increased and the volcano emitted a fountain of lava for about an hour and a half. According to the Philippine Seismic Network, at least 144 volcanic earthquakes have been recorded since January 12, suggesting continuous magmatic activity underneath Taal and potentially more eruptive activity.
According to news reports, the eruption of Taal lofted ash fall up to 14 kilometers (9 miles) into the air. The eruption was accompanied by intense thunder and lightning above the summit. Winds carried volcanic ash fall north across Luzon.
February 2020
Fears about the novel coronavirus gripped the world as Wuhan became the epicenter of the what was yet to be proclaimed a pandemic. We went along with our daily lives but mindful already that some events may be disrupted, depending on what the government or leading authorities on health will pronounce.
My 54th birthday was the day I underwent laparoscopic cholecystectomy or the removal of my gall bladder. I have had these mongo-like gallstones on me and I went to at least 3 doctors for consultation and they all said the same thing -- out with them! And because I had to give way to a critically-ill patient's use of the operating room, my procedure took place on my 54th birthday. So, I still had my cake and my family around me -- and it was a happy occasion at the hospital despite the groggy feeling from general anesthesia.
March 2020
We started the month as usual but carrying over the anxiety over the virus from the previous weeks.
I have heard my mother talk about malaria, cholera and even dysentery as killers of old, but I never thought that this corona virus would top them all. We look back at SARS, Ebola and other dreaded diseases that claimed thousands of lives thousands of miles away from our shores, but corona virus was just too close to home.
We watched in shock as travel became restricted, lockdown became a familiar term even among the young, frontliners were medical personnel and not those who carried arms, the lowly mask became a prime commodity and alcohol became more relevant in the grocery list. March 16 was the start of the community quarantine for us.
Then came March 20. I was expecting my husband from Pililla as he was scheduled to undergo dialysis at the hospital. He was supposed to stay in Las Pinas already because of the limited mobility allowed but what was supposed to be an ordinary day became painful.
Rhoneil arrived with a driver and as I was about to usher him inside the house, he said he would rather have the driver take him upstairs. So I waited at the sala for him to finish using the toilet so I can give him money for his treatment. I was just sitting at the sala waiting when I felt that I had to use the toilet too so I went up.
-- I found Rhoneil slumped in the toilet seat. I thought he fell asleep or was trying to reach something so I tried pushing up his forehead so he can sit upright but he fell right back. I called my children. Francis and the driver carried him to our bed. Gia tried to resuscitate him as Aiz called the hospital for an ambulance.
The Perpetual Hospital emergency team arrived quick enough to intubate and inject him with 10 vials of whatever medicine to try to pump up his heart, but to no avail. I was right beside my husband as they were doing those things on him. The doctor wanted me to stay outside but I figured I must stay to make decisions from the 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th and down to the last and 10th vial to pull him back.
Then the doctor said sorry....movements then became mechanical -- funeral service at Funeraria Filipinas for 4 days, burial at Golden Haven, all done while quarantine was ongoing, a 24 hour curfew was declared and my children and I had nothing but each other and a handful of family and friends who managed to get through checkpoints to pay their respects.
But we still had the full prep. We know Rhoneil would not have it any other way. We gave him the best that we can. We asked a friend priest from Butuan to say his last full mass online, a kind father just slipped in and out to say his blessings then off we went to Golden Haven.
April 2020
Rhoneil's 54th birthday was supposed to be April 12, but he missed it by more than 2 weeks, so we had simple gathering to celebrate his life still. His 40th day of mourning was also done in quarantine and we simply prayed together-- just as we continuously do now for the eternal repose of his soul.
Things at work became a bit hectic but I was glad to be distracted that way. Work became my world for a while and I hope my teammates would forgive me for driving them too hard because I wanted it no other way. So I also cleaned, cleaned and cleaned until my body ached. I tried to remember the bad times so that I will not miss my husband so. It is different when you are reminded of things that you did during happier times and you just want to cry. But I held back tears sometimes, thinking I should not burden my kids with worry over a distraught mother.
So, as usual, I hugged my little girl Zia, thin yet so huggable; small yet able to wipe away my burdens big time with a funny quip or a smart alecky remark about things-- just that pure innocent demeanor where I was drawing my strength.
My kids also cleaned, cooked, took on tasks as they were the ones with quarantine passes.
May 2020
The month of flowers became a continuing month of quarantine as the number of Covid 19 patients in our place rose. Up to now, there is no cure. We are still all working from home. I am glad to be able to give the garbage men some goods but I worry about them too. Things are too different now.
Francis' birthday was a little break from routine. These millennials were able to smuggle in beer and stay late in the night telling stories and laughing. I marvel at the resilience of young people. They find ways to party no matter what.
Then our tiny blessing came on May 25! Franco Mateo was born at around 6am and he was healthy, bunch and too sweet for words. Even as I harbored fears while they were still in the hospital, I put it all up to the Lord to protect this little family from harm.
Our 1st Digital Magiting Conference was a huge success. We reached more than 160,000 audiences on Ayala Foundation's FB Live and reviews were awesome.
June 2020
He is now going into his 2nd week as a human outside his mom's womb and things are moving along fine. Just trying to tie some loose ends from Covid projects and we can concentrate on making it good in the new normal.
Francis and I finally got to visit Rhoneil's gravesite on June 1-- something that was not allowed since we took him there. We lit three candles that were blessed during the mass with Fr. Jocis Syquia online.
I put everything up to the Lord. I know He knows best. I am just a lowly servant trying to be worthy of His love. I try my best to live in His ways.
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